Change

Have you ever felt like everyone around you is growing up, moving on, and making progress while you're just standing still? You feel like that slow kid in Kindergarten at the back of the recess line yelling "Hey guys, wait for me!" as he hopelessly scurries forward with all his might to catch the rest of his classmates. Or like a treadmill, constantly moving, seemingly productive, and yet utterly stagnate. Why is it that everyone else seems to have it all together? They have a master plan from now until their social security benefits kick in, and I'm stuck on the sidelines trying to figure out what to do with the next half hour.

For some reason, I'm reminded of the Chris Rice song "Life Means So Much":
"...Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So no one's rich, nobody's poor
We get twenty-four hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under
...
Has anybody lived who knew the value of a life
And didn't He give His own
To show the worth of yours and mine?
...
Every day is a gift you've been given,
Make the most of the time every minute you're living"

Procrastination

Life is as busy as ever, and somehow I find myself procrastinating more than ever before. Quite paradoxical! Somehow, I've been lucky enough to manage to finish most of the important stuff on time, but not without a lot of late nights and sleepy eyes.

hum to the Van Morrison song
Have I told you lately that I... am studying?
Have I told you there's no more procrastinating?
Fill my brain with intelligence,
Take away my bewilderment,
Cause my troubles, that's what classes do...

Emptiness

Have you ever been surrounded by people but somehow still felt so utterly alone? I've been dealing with that a lot lately, but I've found that it's causing me to grow much closer to God, immensely closer in fact.

So, I started listening to Shaun Groves' music. I can't believe I never heard of him sooner---he's amazing and his lyrics are right on. This is my fav song thus far, from his CD "Invitation to Eavesdrop", which hasn't left my CD player for almost a month now.
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Welcome Home, by Shaun Groves:
-------------------------------------------
Take, me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I've buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me
Come decorate, Lord

Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain

Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Come inside this heart of mine
It's not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning

Every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I'm overwhelmed, I understand
I can't make this place all that You can

repeat chorus

I took the space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

repeat chorus

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

©2001 New Spring Publishing, Inc./ASCAP