Done!

So, the Fall 2004 (or the 04c semester, as Bonfire calls it) has just about drawn to a close. I'm finished with all my tests, and just have some TA responsibilities to finish up next week. Whoop! I'm amazed at how quickly time goes by these days. It's hard to believe that a year ago I was on my internship, flying back and forth between cities. That was fun, but it sure is good to be back in Texas. At any significant milestone, such as the close of a semester, I think it's natural to reflect on events that have gone by. As I reflect in my head because there's much too much to type, I am in awe of the wonderful ways the Lord works.

Big House Ball 2004

Big House Ball was a big success. It's nice to get some more use out of a bridesmaid's dress. I can't wait to see all the crazy pictures from the evening. Let me just say we have some ridiculously crazy people at ULC, and I love it! 100% genuine fun.

Mysteries

So, I'm big into quotes, you know, and I ran across this one by some Celtic story teller dude named Charles de Lint:

"Without mysteries, life would be very dull indeed. What would be left to strive for if everything were known?"

When I was a kid, I loved reading mystery books. They kept me on the edge of my seat, kept me guessing, kept me imagining, until the whole story was laid out by the end of the book and it all made sense. The mysteries of this world are here to point me to Christ, who holds all the answers. I love the mystery that is my life. It keeps things exciting and keeps me getting up every morning to see how this life will unfold.

Dr. Seuss

I saw this quote on Dana's away message and loved it, so I thought I'd pass it along to the blog:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." --Dr. Seuss

Man, I love Dr. Seuss. He really makes you think sometimes. And other times he doesn't make you think at all. What a wonderful combination of thinking and not-thinking. It also involves a lot of laughing and smiling, and that's a good thing. Which leads me to another Dr. Seuss quote, which could explain why I like having fun and being silly and inquisitive anytime I can.

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities." --Dr. Seuss

Laughter

"Seven days without laughter makes one weak." I truly believe that laughter is the best medicine. If we can't laugh at ourselves, our mistakes, and the silly situations life throws our way, we are taking things way too seriously. Somedays, all I need is for someone to make me laugh. Today, I definitely found what I needed.

Volleyball

So, we got into the intramural Elite Eight, but we were ousted by should-have-been-in-B-league team. I love volleyball and had a great time. So, it's now time to put up my kneepads and pull out my basketball.

Growing Up

So tonight, at Kristin's wonderful, beautiful, fun wedding, an old friend told me I was growing up. I just looked at them a bit dumbfounded and said "Boy, do I have you fooled! I might be growing OUT my hair, but I'm not so sure about the growing UP part." But they proceeded to explain, and by golly, maybe I am growing up and didn't even realize it. When I look back on the past (said under breath) 6 (cough, cough) years of college, I'm amazed at the ways I have changed. I am so thankful for having strong Christian friends who have helped me grow spiritually, for finding fellow kids-at-heart who have helped me have good ol' fashioned fun without worrying what others might think of my silliness, and for getting to know a wonderful pastor who figured out my personality, understands the way I work, and continues to give me support and encouragement when I need it most. Many of the people who so greatly impacted my life during college have now moved away from College Station, but they are still very close to my heart and I will be forever grateful for their friendships. Tonight was a big reunion with a lot of those very friends. I am thankful that the Lord has blessed me with those memories, and I thankful for the way He is working in my life right now to build even more memories and friendships. As for the growing up part, it's probably true, but I still hold to the claim that I'll forever be a kid at heart, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Cheers

To the happy, very-soon-to-be-married couple Kristin L. and Matthew H. Tonight was the rehearsal dinner and it was a blast! Kristin and Matt are one of those couples that you look at and instantly think "Yes, they make sense together." And then once you get to know them even just a little, you'd agree that they complement each other perfectly. It's so refreshing to find couples like that. I am looking forward to their wedding this weekend. God's blessings to them during this exciting time!

Incredible!

Man, what an incredible evening. It started with bible study. I'm always amazed at how much I learn when preparing a bible study. I hope that the folks who attend are able to gain insight from what I've prepared, but even if they don't, even if they really are just coming for the desserts I bring, it's definitely worth it because I learn so incredibly much just preparing. Bible study was followed by food, fun, and the movie The Incredibles. Fun times were had by all. Now, off to bed so I can be productive in the morning!

Bonfire 1999

5 years goes by way too fast. I still remember where I was (Legett cave 016) and what I was doing (messing around on the computer) when I heard about Bonfire 1999. That day and the days the followed were somber and solemn. You could feel the broken heart of the campus. Words cannot do justice. If anything amazing can be said of the situation, it is the amazing way in which you could feel people searching for answers and finding that God is the answer. Only He can comfort. Only He can satisfy. He gives life and He takes away, but He works for the good of those who love Him. I don't know why Bonfire 1999 had to happen the way it did. But I can hope and pray that people find comfort and peace through Christ Jesus alone amidst the heartache and confusion. Only He can offer hope in the hopeless world that surrounds us.

So, today I don't ask that you attend the Bonfire Dedication. I don't care if you go see the Bonfire Memorial. You don't even have to think about Bonfire if you don't want to. I only ask that you take a moment to thank your Creator for the life He has given you, for this moment, right now. Live every moment for Christ, for we do not know what tomorrow will bring.

Future

The Bebo Norman concert tonight was awesome. He brushed the topic of being content with every season of your life. That's a hard thing to do sometimes, especially when I face struggles. But God uses every season of our lives to build us into the person He wants us to become. So, I will accept every season, knowing that God is working. In seasons of plenty, I will be thankful. In seasons of drought, I will trust in Him.

Church this morning at Salem was interesting as always, but I walked out the door with two phrases that affected me:
"Even when you are worrying, God is working"
"When one of our dreams is shattered and things don't turn out the way we expected, we can rest assured that God is working out new dreams for us, bigger and better ones, to mold us and use us for his purposes."

So many talks I've listened to lately have talked about Ruth. I really need to read through that book. But, to sum up the post, I am apprehensive about the future. I don't know the whos, whats, wheres, or whens. But I do know the why: Because I am trusting in God and giving him my future, and I will follow where He leads. So with that answer, the other questions really don't matter. So many things in life boil down to trust and faith. I trust that the Lord will be faithful to me, and His faithfulness will include seasons of every kind, but He will lead me through every season, from now until eternity.

Family

So, I got to see a lot of my family this weekend. My niece Kaitlyn is growing up so fast! Sometimes I wish I were 3 months old and was able to enter a room and instantly capture everyone's attention the way she does. Ok, so I'd probably pass on the 3 month old part, but capturing attention would be nice. Sometimes, it feels like no one ever notices me. Maybe that's mainly because I generally tend to be a bit shy and reserved. I suspect there's a few people that might disagree with that last sentence, and to them I would say "I sure do have you fooled!".

Ok, so back to family: I am super looking forward to my twin nieces being born this December. Jenn and the babies have been doing well, but she really needs to start taking it easy so that the girls don't come too soon. My brother-turned-handiman did a wonderful job fixing up their house. It looks great! I can't wait to go over and visit and babysit!

You know, I always want to post my deep thoughts and questions here, but when it comes time to type it out, things just don't appear the same on the screen as they do in my head. So, I'll just continue rambling in my head and spare you the digression. Some things are meant to remain mysteries, and oh how true and painful, yet still full of hope, that statement can be.

Houston

Well, I'll be headed home for the next few days and weekends. I'm actually looking forward to it. College Station has been, how should I phrase this, frustrating of late. It'll be nice to see my family, and my niece! This weekend it's a baby shower, next weekend it's a wedding. The only downside to going home is that I have TONS of homework to finish up before Thanksgiving, but that's okay. I know it will get done eventually. Like they always say, you can always make time for things that are important to you, and these trips to Houston are definitely important.

Busy busy busy

Life has a cruel way of getting busy at the most inopportune times. There's so many things happening that I want to do, but there's also many things that I have to do, and balancing the wants and the needs is proving to be quite difficult. I stayed at A&M for grad school because I didn't want academics to rule my life. That might sound contradictory, but let me explain:

First off, I always knew I wanted to get a master's degree. I'm just the type of person who enjoys learning, and although strange, enjoys school. I don't want to be a lifelong student, but I do want to be a lifelong learner. And getting a master's degree proves that education is important to me and that I am capable of learning anything that is thrown at me.

That said, I didn't always know WHAT I wanted to get a master's degree in. There's just too many options and too many things that I enjoy learning about, so I had a hard time narrowing it down to one topic. But I eventually got it to one decision: study business at A&M or study computer science at Purdue. It was a tough choice, let me tell you.

As you know, I ultimately chose business at A&M, for a few reasons. Mostly, because it's in Texas where my family is. The older I get the more I realize the importance of family. Being around my parents, siblings, and nieces is a blessing, and I wouldn't trade it for all the degrees at Purdue. LSF was another factor. I love my church at A&M, and I would spend every moment of the day there if I could. Sure, I could spend all my time in the library getting smarter, but that pales in comparison to spending time planning and participating in LSF activities and growing spiritually. Finally, I wanted to expand my horizons and learn about the business world. I admit I used to make fun of business majors, and rightly so at times. But, I'm learning things that will be very useful to me throughout my career. Having MATH and CPSC degrees show that I'm able to do the technical stuff. Throwing a business degree on top shows that I have people-skills and am capable of planning and organizing.

So, do I question at times whether I made the right decision staying at A&M? Of course, that's just the kind of personality I have. I question everything. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I should get a MATH Ph.D. and become a math prof, since I love education, teaching, and mathematics. But doing that would just lead me down more of the same, when I feel like I'm supposed to venture out and try my hand at new topics and industries. Who knows where the Lord will lead me, and who knows where I'll end up. But I can guarantee that no matter what, the Lord will use my decisions for His glory. I am the clay, He is the potter.

Derek Webb

So, Derek Webb played a concert in College Station today. All I can is "Whoop!". His lyrics, creativity, and faith in Christ amazes me. He really lays it all out in his songs. If you've never heard him, you are missing out. In my last post, I said I'd be listening to Shane & Shane all week, but... I think I'm gonna have to trade out between them and Mr. Webb.

I first learned about Derek Webb when I was a freshman in college. He played for Caedmon's Call, a band from Houston. His honest and intriguing lyrics caught my attention, and I became a huge Caedmon's fan. A few years ago, Derek decided to go off on his own tour. And, he now has three albums to his name. I can't wait for the albums to keep coming...

So, at the concert tonight, Derek played a song for "all the single guys and girls out there." I've heard the song a thousand times before, but it was right up my alley tonight. The song is called "Can't Lose You" and there's an explanation and lyrics at http://caedmonscall.net/songs/llol/track09.php. The part that hit home touches on a previous post "So now everyone's evolving and I am just the same". Derek used to write songs about the struggles of his single days. He's now happily married, and although struggles of a different kind, I'm sure the struggles are still there. Derek has evolved so much, and that is evident in his songs. Similarly, I am growing up as well. Although sometimes I feel like I'm just standing still, when I look back at all that has happened in my life to get me where I am right now, all the ways I have grown and changed, I am nothing but amazed at how the Lord works. All glory, laud, and honor to the King of kings who lavishes me with His unconditional love.

Whoop!

There's been a lot to whoop for this week.

Most obvious, "4 more for 43" as the Houston Chronicle said. Way to go America for getting out and voting! I used to care less about politics, but after a little growing up and a little trip to DC, I matured and realized that this is my country and its future is important. So, as citizens of this great country in which we live, the least we can do is make our voice heard by voting. These are vital years ahead.

Shane & Shane had a concert tonight. Those guys amaze me -- it was awesome. I think I'll be listening to their new CD "Clean" for the next week or so. Check it out!

Finally, my friend K had a wedding shower today. It was great to spend some time with her before the big day. Maybe someday I'll have my own wedding shower, but for now it's wonderful to be able to share in these special occasions with my friends as they grow up and move forward in life.

Election Day!

Who's it gonna be? Bush or Kerry?? We'll find out this evening... I sure hope it's BUSH!

Hope

What's the difference between having hope and being naive?

Questions

Why is it that humans are always questioning the events that happen in life? I think one of the first things a toddler learns is to say "Why?", and their inquisitive nature follows them around everywhere, much to the chagrin of their parents, until the inevitable "Because I said so!" answer comes out.

I find myself questioning God a lot---why I am the way I am, why something bad happened, why the world is the crazy mess that it is, why everyone has a significant other but me, and the list goes on... So if I am questioning God, does that mean I am doubting Him? Obviously I am searching for answers, but I think sometimes the questions grow me closer to Him. Is that possible?

I picture God saying to me "Because I said so -- it's all part of my master plan." One day, He will reveal the answers to me. In the meantime, He will comfort me and bless me as I trust in His unfailing love.

Change

Have you ever felt like everyone around you is growing up, moving on, and making progress while you're just standing still? You feel like that slow kid in Kindergarten at the back of the recess line yelling "Hey guys, wait for me!" as he hopelessly scurries forward with all his might to catch the rest of his classmates. Or like a treadmill, constantly moving, seemingly productive, and yet utterly stagnate. Why is it that everyone else seems to have it all together? They have a master plan from now until their social security benefits kick in, and I'm stuck on the sidelines trying to figure out what to do with the next half hour.

For some reason, I'm reminded of the Chris Rice song "Life Means So Much":
"...Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So no one's rich, nobody's poor
We get twenty-four hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under
...
Has anybody lived who knew the value of a life
And didn't He give His own
To show the worth of yours and mine?
...
Every day is a gift you've been given,
Make the most of the time every minute you're living"

Procrastination

Life is as busy as ever, and somehow I find myself procrastinating more than ever before. Quite paradoxical! Somehow, I've been lucky enough to manage to finish most of the important stuff on time, but not without a lot of late nights and sleepy eyes.

hum to the Van Morrison song
Have I told you lately that I... am studying?
Have I told you there's no more procrastinating?
Fill my brain with intelligence,
Take away my bewilderment,
Cause my troubles, that's what classes do...

Emptiness

Have you ever been surrounded by people but somehow still felt so utterly alone? I've been dealing with that a lot lately, but I've found that it's causing me to grow much closer to God, immensely closer in fact.

So, I started listening to Shaun Groves' music. I can't believe I never heard of him sooner---he's amazing and his lyrics are right on. This is my fav song thus far, from his CD "Invitation to Eavesdrop", which hasn't left my CD player for almost a month now.
-------------------------------------------
Welcome Home, by Shaun Groves:
-------------------------------------------
Take, me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I've buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me
Come decorate, Lord

Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain

Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Come inside this heart of mine
It's not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning

Every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I'm overwhelmed, I understand
I can't make this place all that You can

repeat chorus

I took the space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

repeat chorus

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

©2001 New Spring Publishing, Inc./ASCAP